parents making sex jokes
grandparents making sex jokes
nine-year-olds making sex jokes
Welcome to tumblr where we go from parents making sex jokes to sassy Hitler in 0.6 seconds
I FOUND ONE OF MY OLD DIARIES FROM MIDDLE SCHOOL AND IT STARTS OUT “DEAR JOURNAL-CHAN”
overhearing a conversation between strangers in which they’re saying something completely wrong and you really feel like correcting them
“i’m gonna draw” i whisper as i don’t
“I’m gonna write” I whisper as I don’t.
“I’m gonna get a life” I whisper as I don’t
Well. That was one of the quickest character developments I’ve seen…
Are you seriously telling me that all that villainous squinting and peering about is because he’s meant to be wearing glasses
because that’s amazing
we’d probably already have hoverboards if we didn’t spend so much time arguing over whether women are people and if they should be allowed to do science
I mean yeah cause hover boards are more essential to life than basic fucking human rights.
you probably misunderstood this post
how many ants are need to fill an apartment
The rest of the space is going to be pretty pissed when they see this.
did you google how to take a screen shot
YES I GOOGLED HOW TO TAKE A SCREEN SHOT FIGHT ME
I FUCKING SAW THIS AT WAL MART I CANT FUCKIGN TAKE IT IM STILL LAUHGING FU CK
not funny tho….
congratulations. by reblogging this post with 41 thousand notes and commenting “not funny tho…”, you have successfully turned the tides of history. everybody is looking down solemnly at their computer keyboards, as millions of ants pour out of their fingernails. this post is no longer funny. the world has stopped spinning. a child cries as its parents turn into 4 foot tall spiders. a mother robin devours her young, the sun itself turning into a “no fun allowed” sign. are you proud of how much you’ve done. are you proud of your impact on society and the future of the world. your head dislocates from your body, your mouth devouring yourself inside out until you cease to exist. there is nothing. it is now funny. a chorus of screaming laughter erupts from the void.
IM MAKING A PIE AND I ACCIDENTALLY PUT IODINE IN IT INSTEAD OF VANILLA EXTRACT
I ALMOST FED THIS PIE TO MY FAMILY
I WAS GOING TO FEED THIS PIE TO MY CLASSMATES
I WAS ABOUT TO MURDER PEOPLE THROUGH PIE
LIKE LOOK AT THIS FUCKING PIE
DOESNT IT LOOK NICE
DONT YOU WANT TO EAT IT
TOO FUCKING BAD ITS POISONOUS YOU’LL DIE
HOW DO YOU MIX UP IODINE AND VANILLA EXTRACT
WHY DO YOU HAVE IODINE IN THE KITCHEN
WHY DO YOU HAVE IT AT ALL
In the 7th grade I had a class where we took a personality test and then we were separated into groups based on our results and my group was just me and two girls and our personality type was described as “mystical” and then one of the girls got expelled for huffing Axe in the bathroom and the other dropped out of high school and disappeared off the face of the Earth.
it’s a metaphor
The best part is that the crab is the symbol for the zodiac sign Cancer, so in a way even the crab itself is a metaphor
The Fault in our (Lob)Stars
If you don’t strategically eat your food so that the last bites to go in your mouth are the tastiest look at your choices
say “oh my god look at the blood on her pants” in a crowded hall & the girls who turn around are the ones on their period
alright satan lets take it down a notch sweetie
Says tumblr user niggercakes
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